My name is Brittany Ferris. My husband, Chase, and I have been married since September of 2017. We started trying for a baby in October of 2017 (we dated 2 years before we were married). After 14 months of trying with no luck, I went to the doctor. After multiple tests, blood work (you know the drill if you suffer from infertility), my doctor found that I wasn’t producing eggs on my own (my right tube was completely not working) and my body produced almost no progesterone, so, we started Clomid and progesterone. With high hopes and many, many prayers said, we went into it very hopeful. Our infertility battle has not been the easiest. I have been ridiculed and told I was faking it from people I knew and that my “symptoms” didn’t match others. It was heartbreaking and I felt so alone because all my friends were getting pregnant so easy, and/or no one I knew had went through this battle we were now facing. I felt completely isolated and I longed for a baby to complete our little family.
First round of Clomid, nothing. Second round, February of 2019- we had our positive test! We were over the moon! We immediately told family & our closest friends, but, did not tell anyone else. We were told with clomid, we had a high chance of miscarriage, and that word was scary. We prayed that if this was God’s will for us to carry a healthy baby, that is what He would provide. In the midst of all the excitement, we found out that we couldn’t afford the self pay any longer with my amazing doctor. I called a new doctor and they refused to get us in to be seen until we were 8 weeks. I begged them and told them our story, but, still no budge. So, 8 weeks come along and we head for our ultrasound appointment. The dreaded news I was so very afraid of - no heartbeat and our baby was measuring 6weeks and 3 days. We waited for a LONG week and many days driving back and forth to the doctor for tons of testing, to find out we really did lose the baby. We were devastated. We opted to take the medicine to pass the baby at home. The next morning, I passed the baby and it was one of the hardest days for our family.
Fast forward 7 months later- October of 2019, and I was late. I kept telling myself there was no way I could be pregnant because we weren’t ‘trying’, or on medicine. Our appointment to start fertility treatments back was in a month. But, few more days pass and I woke up sick. As much as I was scared to take a test (SOOOO many negatives before scar you to test), I took one. It was an automatic positive. I fell to my bathroom floor in complete tears thanking God! He blessed us with this little miracle completely on our own -no medicine, no tracking, no ovulation tests! I told my husband when he got home from work, and then 2 of my best friends. My husband and I agreed this go around we would wait until we knew everything was okay to tell our family. Thankfully, in those 7 months of waiting, my husband got a new job with amazing insurance and I was able to go back to our amazing doctor! I called her office and they got me in the NEXT day. She knew how urgent it was. They confirmed the pregnancy, ran blood work and started me on progesterone. 2 more weeks go by and we head for our first ultrasound. We are 8 weeks pregnant and we hear a heartbeat!! It was the most amazing sound I think we have ever heard. Watching my husband cry that day made me fall even more in love with him. This was 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, so, we planned a huge reveal to tell our whole family together at Thanksgiving. The day before Thanksgiving I had a doctors appointment to get my glucose tested. Chase didn’t go with me to this one since it wasn’t supposed to be anything major, and my sister in law came with me (she was one of the best friends who knew). My doctor decided to just peek in at the baby so we did a quick ultrasound. There was no blood flow or a heartbeat. We had lost the baby a week before this appointment. My heart shattered and I didn’t know how to tell my husband. I am still so thankful my sister in law was with me this day, I don’t think I could have managed to be alone (amazing how God works, right?) My doctor scheduled surgery, a D&C, for the day after Thanksgiving. That was a HARD day to have to tell family that we were pregnant and lost him all in one sentence. One good thing that did come from this loss - we found out I had a rare blood type that had to have a shot so my antibodies from my blood did not attack the baby (basically, my bloods antibodies saw the baby as a ‘foreign object’ and would attack the baby). After this pregnancy, I went through a huge depression. I could not understand how God could let us hear that babies heartbeat and then take him away from us. I was very angry.
If you have read this far, thank you. I wish I could tell you that we are pregnant with our miracle baby and all is well - but, I can’t. We still don’t know if we will have a baby of our own. BUT- what we do know is this - God knows. It has been placed very heavy on our hearts to adopt, and we are pursuing that right now. Many prayers are being said and I know one day I will hold our baby in my arms either way. God knows the way. It may not be what OUR plan was, but, HIS plan is greater. “You may not understand now what I am doing, but someday, you will” John 13:7. I cling to this verse every single day. I know I may not see our babies on Earth, but, how amazing is it that the first thing they saw when they opened their perfect eyes was the face of Jesus? I know He holds them for me until I can see them again.
Please, don’t give up hope. Miscarriage and infertility are HARD, there is no lying about that. But, God is greater!! I pray daily for women just like me. Please know, you are heard, loved and one day, some way, you will be blessed!
Brittany Ferris
Onalaska, TX
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