Eight Years. My Hunky Husby and I have been married for eight years. Part of me feels like we just go married yesterday and then part of me feels like we've been together forever.
Being married is my favorite thing in the whole world. Many people when we first got married told us "enjoy it while you can, the honeymoon phase will wear off soon" Well were eight years in and the honeymoon phase is still going strong. So there!
Was it all roses? Of course not! We've been through the fire, through the flood (quite literally--we got washed away in a flood but that's a story for another time), through addiction, jail time, hospital visits, but through it all my God has been so faithful and used every trail and joy to conform us to the image of Christ. Now, our lives are lived to serve others who struggle with addiction and I can honestly say our marriage is so much better not inspite of addiction but because of addiction. I didn't know life could be this good.
Being married to and working with my best friend is such a blessing. It seems selfish to even ask for more blessing, but we wanted a baby.
We decided to start trying (bye birth control) but every month for 7 years we were let down. Even with egg stimulation, fertility drugs and multiple IUIs; we had the one line syndrome. My heart was broken. God commands us to be fruitful and multiply right? Why is it so hard?
We prayed and we sought God. Maybe He wanted us to adopt first? We have always loved the idea of adoption and planned on pursuing this after we had a few of our own. After all, as Christians adopted by our heavenly father, how can we NOT have a heart for adoption? Maybe God new if I had my own I would change my mind about adoption. I know He knows me better than I know myself. So, we applied to become foster parents, excited about the opportunity to love on some children who needed love and step up to be their forever home if the situation presented itself. We applied and while we waited on approval we met some new friends who were foster parents and at the time had twins staying with them that were eligible for adoption. Needless to say we fell in love. I mean do you blame us?
We got to do all the fun family things. Easter egg hunts, splash pad, movie dates, boat days. Every weekend we would pick them up and love on them. They fit so perfectly into our lives and although they weren't staying with us full time, we felt like a family.
But we got denied. We applied through another agency, denied again. We waited 6 months and applied again, denied.
Well, Jesus, I thought we were following your leading to move towards adoption but the doors are closing left and right. We were at a loss and sought Him once again. No answer.
Eventually, those precious kids were adopted with their brothers and sister to a loving family.
Although, we thought WE were going to be their forever family, we mourned, I cried (a lot), but we trusted God. We loved them like our own, taught them about Jesus but ultimately we had to leave them in His hands and we are so happy they are where God wants them. We choose to be thankful for the time He allowed us to be a part of their lives.
Another dream was dead. I mourned. I trusted. I cried. I asked "why?" But ultimately I came to one very big conclusion: Only Jesus can create life.
He is sovereign. He is all powerful. He is faithful, and thankfully He is also good.
There are times when I think: "Well if God wanted me to have a baby He could just make it happen. Heal me of my PCOS and make it happen." Maybe, just like adoption, PCOS is a closed door. What if I'm not supposed to be a mom?
or
What if He wants to continue to conform us to His image as we walk in faith through infertility? I just want my life to bring glory to God. However that looks.
Our last option: IVF
or in vitro fertilization for those lucky enough not to know what that is. Basically, they remove my eggs and my Hunk Husby's sperm put them together, grow the babies in a Petri dish 🧫 and put them back in me hoping they will implant. That's the summarized version.
There were so many practical reasons why this option wasn't an option and the biggest one started with a capital M.
M O N E Y 💸
Having science help you get pregnant is expensive. How expensive? Google said VERY expensive, but we didn't want to take Google word for it. We went to the specialist our doctor referred us to and found out the price: $18,000.00 and with that answer I heard a question: Do you trust Him?
I have a disease that won't let me get pregnant naturally. Is this a divine intervention or divine redirection? If I had any other kind of disease would I not pray AND seek medical attention? Why is it any different with infertility?
I know God can give me a baby. I know He will give me a baby. Even if He doesn't I will still trust Him, Serve Him and bring Him glory in every area of my life; even infertility.
Kiara West
Cache, Oklahoma
Commenti